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In his thought-provoking essay “On Saying Please,” A.G. Gardiner highlights the significance of courtesy in human interactions. While laws punish physical harm, there are no legal consequences for rudeness—yet its impact on social harmony is profound. Gardiner argues that politeness is the glue that holds society together, making everyday life more pleasant and cooperative.
Key Themes of the Essay
1. The Social Value of Politeness
Gardiner emphasizes that small words like “please,” “thank you,” and “sorry” are not mere formalities but essential for smooth social functioning. Politeness acts as a “social lubricant,” preventing friction and fostering goodwill.
2. The Liftman’s Story: A Case Study in Rudeness
The essay opens with an anecdote about a liftman (elevator operator) who ejects a passenger for not saying “please.” While the liftman’s frustration is understandable, Gardiner points out that discourtesy, though irritating, is not a crime. This incident illustrates how lack of politeness can escalate minor conflicts.
3. Law vs. Morality
Unlike assault or theft, rudeness is not punishable by law. However, Gardiner suggests that moral responsibility is just as important as legal obligation. A society that values courtesy is more harmonious than one that merely follows strict rules.
4. The Ripple Effect of Kindness
The essay contrasts the liftman’s reaction with examples of polite behavior, showing how a simple act of kindness can improve someone’s day. Gardiner implies that if people practiced basic manners, many daily conflicts could be avoided.
5. The Role of Empathy
Politeness stems from empathy—the ability to consider others’ feelings. Gardiner suggests that cultivating courtesy makes interactions more pleasant and reduces unnecessary stress in social and professional settings.